I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize