Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
