u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
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high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
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I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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