this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
