i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
