Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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