I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
