god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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