I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize