You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
dude. I can hear the air.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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