Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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