I accidentally had phone sex last night
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The air taste purple.
Randomize
