i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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