I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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