Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
