The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
