What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
