It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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