if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
