Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
