i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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