If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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