I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
