When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize