i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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