It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
