hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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