i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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