A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
sarcasm needs its own font
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
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I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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