You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
