So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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