Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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