he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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