$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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