I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
