ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
