wake up i wanna do it froggy style
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
