addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
