there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
