You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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