If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
