she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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