So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There r osticjed everywhere
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
