I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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