Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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