Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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