think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
