Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Randomize
