Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just forgot I was standing up.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
