If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
is it fun? or sober?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
