i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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