We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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