Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
