i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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