Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
