i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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