I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
