shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.