Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
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My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
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You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Is Oprah even human
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee