listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me