This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again