My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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