Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
