end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
