Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
