he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
