I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
