I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
