I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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