he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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