Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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